Self-Doubt and Other Terrible Feelings That Kill Confidence
“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac
This week has been a rough week...and finally the weekend. It's officially my first week back at singing (minus my attempt at singing hymns on Christmas eve at Mass), while my small hiatus is over, it was definitely no vacation.
I left choir the other night so incredibly discouraged. I felt like all the progress I had made in the past 6 months had gone out the window and that I was back at square 1. Not to mention, there is some fresh meat in choir, and in my section, which adds pressure and healthy competition for solos and such but not something I could take in on my first day back.
As the days went on, there were more and more set backs. My music hadn't come in and auditions are just around the corner, I was having trouble figuring out some new technique and I got very frustrated, and I ended up just starting to doubt myself.
"Am I good enough to succeed in music?" "Am I a good singer?" "No, I'm not, I haven't made progress in years...I should probably go into Psychology instead of music." "There are other people who are a better fit than I am."
All stupid thoughts that went through my head and really put me in a really pissy mood.
I felt like a hypocrite. I always try and give others positive feedback and I always tell younger and newer singers to be positive and that all progress is good progress. Yet, I wasn't taking my own advice?
I needed to learn how to stop doubting myself and learn how to think positive. I am very analytical and critical about my own singing and technique and its the unfortunate curse of being a musician. It comes with a slight dash of perfectionism, which is very hard to achieve.
As my mother would say "You Artist types, always so critical of yourselves, can't you see how beautiful your work is?" She definitely has a point. But on the flip side, we are so focused on making our work perfect that if it isn't to where we want it to be, we will never be happy.
In an attempt to break the cycle, I looked up some ways on how to stay positive and this is what I came up with!
Perspective
I recently did a concert before the holidays and my voice was terrible. I was on the verge of vocal fry, I was catching a cold and I only had a week to learn the solo, let alone enjoy the piece of music. I felt awful about this solo, yet the show must go on. My vocal teacher sat me down at our most recent lesson and said "I am so proud of you." and as she explained why, she made me look at things from a different perspective. Are you busy? Are you stressed? Have you been spread too thin and given tasks at last minute? Take a step back and re-evaluate you situation. If you feel like it's because you've done less work than you'd like, then try and schedule more time into your schedule. Some times it doesn't hurt to take a step back and look at things from an outside view.
Meditation or Yoga can help calm these feelings. There are many tutorials on youtube that can help you release. Only a half hour a day can make the biggest difference!
Inspiration
When you're feeling down about yourself or your skills, etc, try and think of the bright side. I know it's never easy, trust me...I know. Just try and think about the moment that got you hooked on your art, whether it's a performance, a musician, a quote, etc, whatever it is try and reflect back to it. Find what made you inspired to try.
I keep a pinboard in my room that has all these quotes and pictures and aspirations of mine posted in a cluster. Sometimes if I know the coming weeks are busy, I keep a list on top of all these things and cross off each task. I'll change the pictures every few months, just to keep it current.
Another idea is to listen to a master class or your favourite recording from your favourite musician. Sometimes just their brief words can give you a surge of confidence.
Just keep your chin up!
Setbacks
Setbacks. They are probably the most annoying and discouraging things known to mankind. As a musician, you will have many setbacks, and as unfortunate as it is, you still need to get over that hump.
Attempt to build a plan A, B, and C so that if setbacks do occur, you'll have a next step to keep you on track, which will also help put your mind at ease by keeping it occupied.
If you didn't get the gig you wanted or the mark you needed, keep moving forward. That is the only way you can get over it. Just keep swimming.
Criticism
Unfortunately, as a musician, you never truly get a chance to escape the criticism. Peoples opinions will be found everywhere, whether you like it or not. There is always room for improvement, and positive criticism is a great way to grow. It's when people start adding unnecessary comments that can start to hurt. This is the moment where you can do 1 of 2 things. You can wallow in self pity and think about what a terrible musician you are OR you can take their comments and reflect upon it and CHOSE what you want to do with it. It is up to you to decided whether you agree or disagree with them and whether you feel it is worth taking their advice. Setting that professional boundary helps you grow and learn to have a bit of a thicker skin towards these things. I am not saying that there won't be comments that hurt, but leaving that professional gap never hurts. Reminder* Whether you agree or disagree with the clinician giving you feedback, PLEASE be respectful. There is nothing worse than being a sour puss about it.
How To Be Confident
Here are a few simple ways to build confidence slowly, yet surely.
At the end of the day, this is something we all feel. Whether its for a day, a week, a month, its always a crappy feeling. If this is a reoccurring feeling that doesn't seem to go away or escalates and gets worse, please go see a doctor or speak to someone about this. It could be the start of a serious condition.
It's a mixed blessing being a musician, but we can only hope that the positive out ways the negative.
All the best,
Until next time,
Tessa
As the days went on, there were more and more set backs. My music hadn't come in and auditions are just around the corner, I was having trouble figuring out some new technique and I got very frustrated, and I ended up just starting to doubt myself.
"Am I good enough to succeed in music?" "Am I a good singer?" "No, I'm not, I haven't made progress in years...I should probably go into Psychology instead of music." "There are other people who are a better fit than I am."
All stupid thoughts that went through my head and really put me in a really pissy mood.
I felt like a hypocrite. I always try and give others positive feedback and I always tell younger and newer singers to be positive and that all progress is good progress. Yet, I wasn't taking my own advice?
I needed to learn how to stop doubting myself and learn how to think positive. I am very analytical and critical about my own singing and technique and its the unfortunate curse of being a musician. It comes with a slight dash of perfectionism, which is very hard to achieve.
As my mother would say "You Artist types, always so critical of yourselves, can't you see how beautiful your work is?" She definitely has a point. But on the flip side, we are so focused on making our work perfect that if it isn't to where we want it to be, we will never be happy.
In an attempt to break the cycle, I looked up some ways on how to stay positive and this is what I came up with!
Perspective
I recently did a concert before the holidays and my voice was terrible. I was on the verge of vocal fry, I was catching a cold and I only had a week to learn the solo, let alone enjoy the piece of music. I felt awful about this solo, yet the show must go on. My vocal teacher sat me down at our most recent lesson and said "I am so proud of you." and as she explained why, she made me look at things from a different perspective. Are you busy? Are you stressed? Have you been spread too thin and given tasks at last minute? Take a step back and re-evaluate you situation. If you feel like it's because you've done less work than you'd like, then try and schedule more time into your schedule. Some times it doesn't hurt to take a step back and look at things from an outside view.
Meditation or Yoga can help calm these feelings. There are many tutorials on youtube that can help you release. Only a half hour a day can make the biggest difference!
Inspiration
When you're feeling down about yourself or your skills, etc, try and think of the bright side. I know it's never easy, trust me...I know. Just try and think about the moment that got you hooked on your art, whether it's a performance, a musician, a quote, etc, whatever it is try and reflect back to it. Find what made you inspired to try.
I keep a pinboard in my room that has all these quotes and pictures and aspirations of mine posted in a cluster. Sometimes if I know the coming weeks are busy, I keep a list on top of all these things and cross off each task. I'll change the pictures every few months, just to keep it current.
Another idea is to listen to a master class or your favourite recording from your favourite musician. Sometimes just their brief words can give you a surge of confidence.
Just keep your chin up!
Setbacks
Setbacks. They are probably the most annoying and discouraging things known to mankind. As a musician, you will have many setbacks, and as unfortunate as it is, you still need to get over that hump.
Attempt to build a plan A, B, and C so that if setbacks do occur, you'll have a next step to keep you on track, which will also help put your mind at ease by keeping it occupied.
If you didn't get the gig you wanted or the mark you needed, keep moving forward. That is the only way you can get over it. Just keep swimming.
Criticism
Unfortunately, as a musician, you never truly get a chance to escape the criticism. Peoples opinions will be found everywhere, whether you like it or not. There is always room for improvement, and positive criticism is a great way to grow. It's when people start adding unnecessary comments that can start to hurt. This is the moment where you can do 1 of 2 things. You can wallow in self pity and think about what a terrible musician you are OR you can take their comments and reflect upon it and CHOSE what you want to do with it. It is up to you to decided whether you agree or disagree with them and whether you feel it is worth taking their advice. Setting that professional boundary helps you grow and learn to have a bit of a thicker skin towards these things. I am not saying that there won't be comments that hurt, but leaving that professional gap never hurts. Reminder* Whether you agree or disagree with the clinician giving you feedback, PLEASE be respectful. There is nothing worse than being a sour puss about it.
How To Be Confident
Here are a few simple ways to build confidence slowly, yet surely.
- Fake It Till You Make It. Once you start having a mantra and thinking "I can do this. I can totally do this." You'll start to believe it. Heck! I even made up another personality (Thanks to The Mindy Project) that adds confidence to my stage presence. Fix that posture and you'll be well on your way!
- Smile! The more you smile the more your body thinks you're happy, which sends hormones to the brain which actually makes you happy.
- Think about all the cool stuff that makes you unique and be proud of it! Flaunt those feathers and be proud! Channel and focus on those unique hobbies and enjoy them!
- Cut the people out. If there are people in your life that only cut you down or are more than willing to share their every opinion, they are most likely negative influences in your life and you don't need that! You rock and don't ever change!
At the end of the day, this is something we all feel. Whether its for a day, a week, a month, its always a crappy feeling. If this is a reoccurring feeling that doesn't seem to go away or escalates and gets worse, please go see a doctor or speak to someone about this. It could be the start of a serious condition.
It's a mixed blessing being a musician, but we can only hope that the positive out ways the negative.
All the best,
Until next time,
Tessa
No one's perfect, our flaws make the journey to our goals and aspirations infinitely times more interesting. What would we be doing without challenges? It's all apart of being human. Always remember how far you've come, but never be discouraged at how far you have to go.
ReplyDeleteVery Profound! Thanks for the addition Matt!
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